Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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