I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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