All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
