I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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