I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
