So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
