i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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