Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
