The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
