i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
