It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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