you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
