I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
