don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize