I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
