'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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