i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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