that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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