I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
