i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
