so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
