we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
