it wasn't lemon gatorade
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
