can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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