I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
