If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
