me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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