So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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