You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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