i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
