if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
