my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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