he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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