i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
