Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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