So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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