It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
