my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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