I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
