i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
