the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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