I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
