Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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