I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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