I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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