whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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