Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
