you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize