I wish I only lived at night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
