He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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