Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
