I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
