im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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