my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
