Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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