I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
