If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
