Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
