all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
