Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
