He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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